Devouring the flesh of the living

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

I love my Asian zombie films.  Junk and Bio-zombie were reasonably decent if rather cliched, while Wild Zero and Stacy were full on classics.  Then there is Versus – a Zombie film I’ve had on my shelf for some time now waiting for an appropriate time-slot for viewing.  Well, that time arrived the other day after our guests had left the house for the night and my housemate and I were sat wondering what to watch that would suit our alcohol content.  (ie lots of wine\cider).

After the standard battle we usually have with foreign language DVDs (spoken language with subtitles or dubbed into English? – we went the subtitle route) we chilled out ready to enjoy some zombie fighting action.  Well, what we got was a whole film of choreographed gun battles and martial arts, with a few token zombie thrown into the mix.  The story is tosh – some nameless gang dudes kidnap another nameless woman and meet an escaped (nameless) prisoner in a forest.  The prisoner and woman escape into the trees just as the living dead (who have been buried there by the aforementioned gang) return to life.  Now we have loads of gunshots, fights and cool slow-mo posing for the entirety of the film.  Sure, the fights are pretty cool and some of the gunfights are well put together, but that is all that goes on for about 2 hours.  It got so repetitive that my housemate fell asleep and started snoring by the end of it. 

Not that this was a bad film, it was just more John Woo than George Romero, with not nearly enough originality or zombie gut munching to satisfy me.  Maybe I was just expecting a different sort of film, an I may enjoy it on a martial arts gunfight action level next time I watch it.  Oh well, I think I’ll just go watch ‘Stacy’ again instead.

Gore Score C
Norks Score F
Originality Score D
Overall Score C

I am almost embarrassed to admit that I saw this version of Dawn of the Dead before I ever watched the Romero original.  Yes it’s disgraceful, but I feel I have somewhat made up for this by the sheer geek that I have become for this genre.  A lot of time, and an excessive zombie collection later and I can approach DOTD2004 with a new mindset.  Would I enjoy it as much as I did sat in the cinema 4 years ago?

Well for a start, the opening 15 minutes is possibly one of the greatest scenes in zombie movie history.  Radio reports hinting at the impending doom lead knowingly up to the initial house siege – where a young girl with her face chewed up attacks a husband and wife in their own bedroom.  The husband is bitten and dies in a plume of blood and instantly turns on his wife, who races for cover in her bathroom and eventually claws her way out of the window and onto her lawn.  Here we get an amazing panning shot over her shoulder taking in the carnage that is unfolding in the local suburb.  She takes the car, pursued by her zombie husband who tries to smash his way through the windscreen before he gets distracted by a nearby resident who is still alive.  She drives away, cars crashing and people being eaten all around her before crashing through a road barrier and into a tree.  Strewth, that’s quite an opening!

One of the most commercial Zombie films to date, and one that no Zombie fan would say they were particularly excited about when it was announced, Dawn of the Dead 2004 was actually quite a surprise.  The only real similarity to the original is that it takes place in a shopping mall.  That’s pretty much it.  What we have here is a large bunch of characters locked in the mall and sticking it out until they really need to get the hell out of there.

So, it appears that I can’t get enough of this movie, but that’s not entirely the case.  The running zombies are not ones that I’m particularly fond of.  They seem more like angry humans than reanimated corpses.  The whole story of the pregnant couple is just ludicrous and seems totally out of place, and there are far too many characters here to keep track of.  However, it’s action all the way and never outstays its welcome.  I’ll even go so far as to say that it’s more enjoyable that the Romero original!  But hey, that’s not even anywhere near his best one – Day of the Dead.  Man, I love that film too.  Must get around to watching it for this blog.

Gore Score B-
Norks Score C
Originality Score D
Overall Score B+

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)
Themes of morality, conformity, alienation, existentialism and political satire are just what I would expect to feature in a film called ‘Zombie Strippers’. Ha ha, Who am I kidding! Strippers turning into zombies is all I was looking for in this beauty, but there was plenty more than that on offer in this wee number, philosophy and all.

Now apparently this film is based loosely on a French play ‘Rhinoceros’ about a town whose population slowly turn into rhino’s, but being the uncultured slob that I am I’ve never heard of it, although it’s a pretty big deal in the world of the Theatre of the Absurd, apparently. It’s certainly an interesting idea on which to base a Zombie horror film, but to be honest I was only watching it for the stripper zombies, so the influences didn’t really matter to me.

As is the often the case these days, the government have been experimenting with chemicals and dead bodies in order to produce a race of super strength soldiers, but completely unexpectedly this goes wrong somewhere down the line and a load of Zombies are produced. A special soldier unit is called in to exterminate the living dead, but one of them gets bitten and runs off, taking refuge in an underground illegal strip club. This is the setting for the whole rest of the film, as the soldier bites star-dancer Jenna Jameson and turns her into an Undead Stripper Zombie, a side effect being an ultra sexy stripper dance and a lusting for human flesh. The Zombies dance for the punters, punters get eaten and turn into neanderthal undead while the female zombies remain intelligent and feisty to the end.

The whole film was a lot less trashy that I was expecting, with some great dialogue as the Strippers quote philosophy and discuss morality, and Robert Englund the strip club owner tries to find a way to profit from this whole debacle, while keeping the whole ‘Murderous Zombie’ aspect a secret from the general punters – although it starts becoming obvious that the dancers are no longer technically ‘Live Nudes’ any more, but rotting-corpse lapdancers. The humour is reasonably decent, the gore is great and often rather gross (which is certainly a good thing) and the nork count is obviously through the roof. Cleverly written, pretty original and totally unexpected considering the genius movie title. Who would have expected Nietzsche-spouting strippers discussing the merits of grotesque body modification? Genius stuff and one I shall certainly be watching again, with (several) beers in hand.

Gore Score B
Norks Score A
Originality Score B+
Overall Score B+

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

So, from one end of the Zombie Film spectrum to the other. Redneck Zombies, possibly the trashiest zombie film i’ve seen in a long long time, and about as far removed from the Living Dead at Manchester Morgue as My Chemical Romance is from Quality Music.

To even remotely enjoy this movie you have to appreciate the glory that is Troma : independent cinema of the highest quality. Weighing in at about 0\10 on the acting, script, directing and intellect scale, Redneck Zombies isn’t even the slightest bit bothered about aiming for the mainstream, and all the better for it.

A family of Rednecks come into possession of a barrel of toxic waste (ie – they rob an army guy transporting it loosely on the back of his jeep) and proceed to use the contents to brew up their special brand of Moonshine, which they then send their gender-curious sibling off with to sell to the whole population of the surrounding village. Strangely unperturbed at drinking neon-green liquid out of jamjars that was brewed by inbreds, the locals quaff down the liquid and naturally become radioactive zombies. Unknowing of this turn of events the remaining redneck family decide to sample the brew themselves, which leads to a 10 minute zombie transformation scene, more akin to a cheap neon 80’s music video than a quality zombification (see 28 weeks later for possibly the greatest scene of this ilk).

While everyone is indulging in zombie-moonshine a collection of out-of-towners have descended on the area to go camping, unfortunately pitching up about 100 yards from the zombie chemical still. A couple of the ladies of this group get picked off buy the redneck family in fantastic Troma style (ludicrously over-the-top gore flying all over the place, rubber eyeballs sucked out of plastic skulls, blood and guts smeared all over the floor. You know the drill), leaving the remainder or the group to go hunting for them, discovering and attacking any zombie along the way, some successfully, some less so.

There are some amazing scenes here – the delivery boy discovering a gagged girl in a house of rednecks who is forced to watch a documentary on baby chickens being slaughtered – a couple of inbreds sat watching a close-up pair of norks on TV covered in cream and cherries while they chat in Beavis and Butthead style ‘I like knockers’, ‘yeah, I like knockers too’ – a local woman feeding the green zombie alcohol to her 3 year old son who for some reason is sat in a washing machine. Not to forget the ace Autopsy scene where one of the townies attempts an autopsy on a zombie while high on LSD, and proceeds to hallucinate that each of the organs are actually various props such as human shoes or plastic dolls, before realising what he’s doing and promptly vomiting into the corpses open chest.

Yes it’s trash, yes it’s god-awful, but it’s distributed by Troma so you should know what you’re letting yourself in for. Hell, it’s better than Buttcrack at least.

Gore Score B
Norks Score D
Originality Score C
Overall Score C

I recently decided that it is about time I initiate the other-half into the wonders of zombie cinema, and have been debating the best film to use for such a momentous occasion. I wanted to avoid any of the big Romero films as I thought it best to show that there are plenty of enjoyable gems that she probably hasn’t heard of. Now, the choice of movie could have taken 2 paths : a trashy zombie exploitation-fest featuring plenty of gratuitous gore and nudity – low on plot and acting skills but high on enjoyment, or a more serious film with tension, scares, classic zombies and a bit of the old ’social commentary’. I decided to go with the serious film as I don’t really want to confirm all the suspicions she has of me just yet, and I wanted to show that there are genuine good films in my collection. Decision made, I settled on The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue.

Set in England somewhere in grim ‘Up North’, TLDATMM starts off strangely, with an unexplained naked woman running across a busy city road in slow motion and a hippy dude on a motorbike riding out into the hills to sell some demon-like statues. This chap pulls into a petrol station to fill up, but sadly some dippy woman reverses her car over his bike and he is forced to hop in with her and take over the driving duties, leaving his bike behind. It is a strange setup to get these 2 random people together, but not as strange as his accent – sounding like a Northern version of Michael Caine. Indeed, all the dubbed over accents in this movie are awesome. Almost every British dialect is present and correct in glorious over-the-top fashion.

This accidental couple arrive at a farmhouse and are immediately embroiled in a murder inquiry – this murder being the first zombie attack of the film. Obviously the police don’t believe that this was a dead guy returned to life to murder random strangers, so the blame is dumped on this couple, and they take it upon themselves to find out if it really is the dead coming back to life.

Pah! Of course it’s Zombies! Some dribbly tramp zombie is bringing the dead back to life by smearing blood on them, and they all then roam about making groaning noises and chomping on human guts, all the while the hippy and the ginger bird try to avoid them. Sadly, everywhere they go the Zombies seem to pop up (even if there are only half a dozen of them), but naturally the police never set eyes on the undead so continue to chase after the couple until the final showdown at the hospital where much slaughter, burning and breast munching occurs.

It’s a bit of a slow burner to start with, but when it gets going it’s classic stuff. Atmospheric and creepy with some great music and some fantastic set pieces – particularly the graveyard siege – it’s fully deserving of it’s classic status.

It’s just a pity my old lady didn’t enjoy it. “..but they’re so slow, just run past them!” Honestly, it’s going to take some convincing to get her on board.

Gore Score C
Norks Score C
Originality Score C
Overall Score B+

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

Some of the recent films I’ve watched for this blog have flirted briefly with the mainstream (Undead, Return of the Living Dead 4-5, and REC) but recently I felt it time I stop beating around the bush and just go with it. What better way to scratch the mainstream itch than with Shaun of the Dead – possibly the greatest British zombie film of all time. It’s not too embarrassed to call itself a Zombie film (*cough* 28 days later *cough*), and I don’t think the Living Dead at Manchester Morgue counts as a UK film, even with all those great regional accents!

Here we have a film that knows how to play the homage card. Subtle references along with blatant imitation all wrapped up in an original, funny and great little British movie. And oh how British it is. Smashing people around the head with cricket bats, listening to Queen records, having cups of tea and sandwiches around at your Mums, and of course… The Pub.

All us Brits know that the solution to life’s problems can be found down at the pub, so when a Zombie outbreak occurs for Shaun and Ed they decide that easily the best thing to do is to go to the boozer. Just as when Shaun needs to think of a place to take his girlfriend he suggests the pub. And also when he gets dumped by his missus the best thing to do is to… go to the pub. And why not? There is beer there, snacks, games, music and TV so why wouldn’t you want to spend your time there?

Featuring a great British cast from some of the greatest TV comedies of recent years (Black Books, Spaced, The Office, League of Gentlemen…) they are all obviously just mates, but great at what they do here too – mostly playing for laughs, but going for the serious moments when needs must.

Anyway, I should discuss this film for it’s Zombie credentials I suppose. That’s what i’m here for after all. The zombies here are PROPER zombies, all shuffles and groans, not running and vomiting or anything these new-fangled undead seem to do these days – just straight up flesh eaters. Slow and stupid enough to easily escape from, but it’s the quantity that’s the problem, as it should be. Loads and loads of the pesky critters litter the streets, and get smashed, run over, gored and shot at. Plus they eat and dismember plenty of humans too, which is to be expected.

It’s a great little number, and one of the best Zombie films of the past 10 years. And amazingly it’s possibly the only Romantic Comedy that I can actually enjoy without wanting to tear my own limbs off.

Gore Score C+
Norks Score F
Originality Score B
Overall Score A