Devouring the flesh of the living

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)
Zombie movies, possibly the most versatile genre in horror.  Ranging from comedy, drama, satire, straight up horror, even Zombie Musicals, there are always new and interesting interpretations of these tales.  Currently we are experiencing a period of Zombie Documentaries, which is the category American Zombie probably falls into.  However that would unfairly suggest comparisons with “Zombie Diaries” or “Diary of the Dead”, both of which take a more Cinematic, rather than Journalistic approach that American Zombie utilises.

It is very much a documentary in structure employing interviews rather than standard character storytelling.  The film focuses of 4 high-functioning Revenants, each of whom are dealing with their undead status in different ways.  The 2 documentarians follow these zombies and interview them about their daily lives, how they are treated and what their expectations of life are.  Of the 2 directors, Solomon more interested in the ‘guts and gore’ angle, whereas Grace wants to present a snapshot of life as a zombie without all the exploitation.  Their filming takes them to a zombies only festival ‘Live Dead’, where the film changes from a standard documentary about the zombies into a horror film in which the filmmakers themselves take centre-stage.

The film is an interesting one, yet again showing the versatility of the undead genre.  In this case the zombies are representative of any minority group, although being undead we feel no guilt in assuming them as an underclass.  This allows the viewer to arc from disgust through to acceptance, a feat which would be harder to achieve had a standard minority group scenario been under discussion.

Anyway, enough intellectualising.  I loved the zombie hunting private-eye, who discusses (and demonstrates) in detail all his favourite methods of dispatching those pesky zombies, and the whole 2nd half of the movie set in the hippy festival was particularly creepy.  However, I side with co-director John Solomon – where’s all the gore and flesh eating?  Pah! Honestly, it may have quality acting, genuine originality and believable character development but it’s no C.H.U.D.

Gore Score D
Norks Score F
Originality Score A
Overall Score B

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

Like most people I have often wondered what happens when a Zombie needs to use the lav, and finally I have found a film than answers this puzzler. Apparently they just crap on the grass and leave it there. Honestly, they don’t even have the decency to clean up after themselves! No wonder they’ve got a bad reputation.

Whether or not zombies poo is not the only question that gets answered here.

• What do you do if your wife loves to sleep with loads of other men while you watch, but the supply of healthy humans are dwindling due to the overwhelming population of zombies? Why, you invite a bunch of mostly healthy army dudes into you house and rotate them in the bedroom, obviously.

• What happens if your sister-in-law has a Kuato-like siamese twin growing out of her stomach? Well, you let one of the army guys romance ‘both’ of them.

• And finally, what do you do if all the sex your wife is getting with army guys is getting you down? Simple – you keep a naked female zombie tied up in your shed and you try out some necrophilia.

Yes, this is not your standard ‘hiding out in a house while zombies attack’ siege film. There is a lot more going on here than just humans killing the undead. It starts off badly, with some of the worst acting I have ever seen in a SOV zombie film (and that’s saying something), along with the standard fanboy idea of referencing classic zombie films to name your characters. (However bonus points for not having a Romero or Savini here, but going with ‘Matool’ instead.) However, things soon pick up when Matool gets into a fight with a Zombie on a car bonnet and dispatches him by hammering a 12″ nail into his forehead. As a technique it’s pretty unusual, yet highly effective. Sadly for Matool he gets kidnapped and taken back to a farmhouse where he is expected to engage in some kinky bedroom antics with the kidnappers wife, while being spanked with a ruler by the wife’s retarded sister. Unusual.

Soon some army boys turn up, having been attacked by some hyperzombies (stronger and faster than usual zombies), and they all move into this house and take turns with the wife! Naturally, things start going bad and jealous infighting begins, coupled with the zombies attacking anyone who sets foot outside the house. (Well, it wouldn’t be a zombie film without some gut munching). The survivors have to decide whether to make a run for it, or whether to try to remain at the house for all the perks found therein.

It’s an unusual movie for sure, with some pretty original ideas. The gore – when it happens – is also not too bad for a film obviously shot on the ultra cheap. However, the (surprisingly) minimal nudity and godawful acting from the majority of the characters does spoil things somewhat. Still, I love that the film tries something different, all while not taking itself too seriously. This is a good thing.

Gore Score C
Norks Score C
Originality Score B-
Overall Score C+

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)Picked up 2nd hand in the bargain bin of a local video games store, I didn’t hold out much hope for this movie.  It looks very mainstream, has a ‘celebrity’ on the cover and was ultra cheap for a pretty modern film.  However, as a Zombie fan I felt it was my duty to give it a try.  It is also one of the less trashy offensive films that I would be able to force the missus to sit through, which is what I did.

It starts off slowly, with some boring guff about some school kids who are apparently big losers, but all look like they are in their early 30’s.  One of these ‘kids’ has a crush on Samantha Mumba but is too wimpy to do anything about it.  After assuming she’s rejected him he goes home and pretends to hang himself, but his mother walks in and accidentally finishes the job for him.  Luckily by means of ultra-fast montage she’s able to resurrect him using some medieval books from her local church, but finds that one of the pages in the book is missing, and the Resurrection has some rather awkward side effects – a hunger for human flesh and the ability to turn the living into the walking dead.  Oh well.

It starts off all teeny rubbish as expected, but when the zombies start attacking it gets surprisingly gory (if suffering repeatedly from the dreaded ‘cutaway kill’ that plague most mainstream zombie films).  Limbs are severed, eyes fall out, heads are ripped off, and in the films highlight a bunch of zombies are mown down with a tractor/plow/combine harvester contraption, causing instant reminders of Braindead.

However, it is not Braindead that I was reminded of the most during this film, but the German ‘comedy’ Night of the Living Dorks.  School kids accidently infected but not instantly evil, school crushes, super strength, and even a cure for the infection all pop up in both these films.  It’s probably all coincidence as none of these are original ideas, but I still couldn’t stop thinking of the superior German effort throughout this movie.

Easily watchable and inoffensive.  If it didn’t go OTT with the gore it would just be a boring teen flick, but there was enough guts on display to give this film an 18 Certificate in the UK, which is usually a good sign by me.

Gore Score B-
Norks Score F
Originality Score C
Overall Score C-

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)AKA Horror Of The Zombies

Yeah, mid-way through another well deserved week off work but the only Zombie film i’ve managed to get through is this number, the 3rd in the Blind Dead quadrilogy.  I really should try harder.  Well, there are still several days left to fill with zombie crud!

The Ghost Galleon – When even the box of a film says it is considered a ’surprising’ film warning bells should really start to sound.  Whereas the first 2 Blind Dead films take place around atmospheric ruined medieval cities this particular entry involves an obviously fake miniature galleon ship, which I assume we are supposed to believe is a full size vessel.

A couple of bikini-clad ladies involved in some marketing scam of some sort are left adrift in a little powerboat for about a month apparently, and although they do not seem to have any supplies on-board they seem perfectly happy, spending their time chatting on their radio to their bosses on the shore somewhere.  However a mysterious fog from another dimension sweeps over them and they crash into the ghostly galleon.  Sensibly, one of the ladies decides that an abandoned and ancient rotting sailboat is a better place to wait out the rescue, so she climbs aboard never to be seen again, (although we do hear her screaming for a bit).  Her girly companion decided to remain on the smaller boat and doesn’t hear the screaming, but then still decides to go aboard to investigate later.

Oh yes, the Templar knights are aboard this boat for some reason. In traditional Blind Dead style they spend 10 minutes slowly rising from their coffins before slowly chasing the girl around the ship.  That’s pretty much it.  Her friends and boss from the shore do fly out to the ship to try to find them and manage to locate the inter-dimensional galleon, but it all ends badly for most of them as you would expect.

I don’t really want to spoil the ending here, but the ship burns down and the survivors float to shore, although the Zombie have followed them…  Actually, that was the ending.  Still, this review makes it sound like slightly more happens in this movie than really does.  Zombies slowly chase women.  Women die.  Ship burns.  People escape.  Zombies escape too, ready for film number 4.

Easily the most boring entry into the series so far (i’m yet to see #4 though).  The gore is practically non-existent, there are no norks on show despite the overabundance of bikini clad ladies, and the plot is equally as desolate.  Still, it’s always good to see  Skeletor and friends in action, and the film did keep me watching for some reason.  I just wonder if the final film finishes the series on a high.

Gore Score D
Norks Score F
Originality Score C
Overall Score C-

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)One of the classic discussions regarding the 28 days\weeks films is of their legitimacy as Zombie films.  There are numerous pseudo-zombie flicks that I love but would not include in this Blog as they don’t meet the criteria.  Cronenbergs ‘Shivers’ & ‘Rabid’ or the recent ‘I Am Legend’ are such examples, and don’t get me started on The Evil Dead series.  (Why people think of these as Zombie films is beyond me.  They’re people possessed by evil demonic spirits, Sheesh!).  With 28 days\weeks later the decision is tougher.  Yes, they’re still officially alive and yes, they run and don’t shamble.  Also, they apparently die of malnutrition which I don’t recall happening in any other zombie flick.

However, plenty of zombies in movie history have been created by a virus gone wrong, and plenty of zombies race around instead of shuffling like walking corpses.  And besides, if they were bona fide zombies how would either film be any different?  They attack people without prejudice, they can infect the living to become one of them, and the survivors have to hide out, fight or try to escape.  Pretty standard Zombie film methodology if you ask me.  Dead or undead the same would happen.

So, Zombie film credentials met, what about the quality of the film itself?  Well, it starts out with a siege in a boarded up house, people get chased and eaten and a lone survivor flees to safety.  It is then established that the whole zombie plague had encompassed the entire UK, and once the infected bodies have died from hunger the American army are called in to oversee the re-population of the country.  However, predictably this doesn’t go too well.

The whole film is basically a thinly veiled critique of American army politics.  They treat the remaining humans as little more than cattle, part of an assignment that they have no real belief in.  But hey, what else are Zombie films for if not a little satire here and there?

The gore is pretty good for such a mainstream movie – particularly the gruesome helicopter mutilation scene.  The opening siege is also amazing, and the transformation scene from human-to-zombie is probably the best I’ve ever seen.  Coupled with some quality action and decent direction this is a pretty impressive entry into the market.  Whether or not it beats the first film is debatable, and personally I tend to change my mind depending on which one I’ve seen the most recently.  This sequel is a more cohesive movie and certainly doesn’t rip off as much from Day Of The Dead as the first.  But heck, they are both decent movies. – They’re certainly zombie films, just lacking in actual ‘proper’ zombies.

Gore Score B
Norks Score C
Originality Score C
Overall Score B