Devouring the flesh of the living

Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)If there were ever a zombie film that was crying out to be made it is this zombie-chicken-lesbian-musical-romantic-horror-comedy movie, also known as Poultrygeist.  Yes, Troma come up trumps again with possibly the greatest Zombie movie of the decade.  Everything that you could ever want in a movie is present here.  Gore, Nudity, Horror, Comedy, Music, Dancing and Zombie Chickens.  Hell, even fat dudes pebble-dashing restaurant toilets in disgusting brown slurry.  This film has everything.  Sheesh, there is even a plot occurring here somewhere, if that’s what you’re into.

A new fast-food chicken restaurant is opening that happens to have been built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and the displaced Indian spirits are none too pleased.  To teach the owners a lesson the spirits decide to take over the carcasses of the dead chickens and cause havoc and murder towards both employees and customers alike within the new establishment.

Not everyone is overjoyed at the prospect of a new chicken snackery, in particular the local lesbian protest group; the College Lesbians Against Multiconglomorates (C.L.A.M).  One such lesbian happens to be the ex-girlfriend of local loser Arbie, who decides to teach his ex a lesson by getting a job in the chicken establishment and serving the dead birds to all who come along.

However, mearly minutes after beginning his shift on opening day the possessed chickens kick off their plan, killing off several staff members and splattering guts all over the walls.  This is just the beginning.

What follows are musical numbers, dances, naked lesbian romps, gore, satire, explosions, blood and even a truly disgusting toilet scene involving Troma favourite ‘Lardass’ which needs to be seen to be believed (or never EVER seen if you have a remotely sensitive stomach).

This is without doubt the greatest Troma film ever made, the greatest zombie musical ever made, one of the goriest zombie movies ever made, and the best undead chicken film that has ever seen the light of day.  Even to take a remotely serious note for a second (which is is almost heresy for a troma movie) this film hits every catagory any Zombie lover could ever wish for.  Social satire that is up there with Romero.  Gore easily on par with Savini.  Enough nudity to please even the harshest of 12 year old critics, and even a musical score that is genuinely inventive and impressive.

To put it simply, Poultrygeist is possibly the one film that could transform a Troma-hater into a Troma-fanatic, and that is quite an impressive achievement.

Gore Score A
Norks Score A
Originality Score A
Overall Score A

Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

Of the criteria by which I rate zombie films, originality is possibly the hardest to satisfy.  Considering zombie films have been in existence since the 1930’s it’s getting rather tricky to rattle out some truly original ideas these days.  Having said that, Zombie Wars does present some new ideas that I’m sure haven’t been thought of before.  Zombies farming humans.

The idea of zombies setting up concentration style camps for captured humans to spend their life in is a great concept, which is sadly not nearly fleshed out enough here to be truly memorable.  These Zombies keep humans in a farming complex, some of them working to farm vegetables and suchlike which is used to feed the human prisoners to keep them alive, and some of the luckier prisoners are put out to stud, in order to keep the human population growing.

Outside of the camps there are groups of human soldiers trying to survive and pick off any walking undead they come across.  Often these zombies are found trooping a trail of humans behind them to take them off to somewhere or other, and the soldiers will kill the zombies and rescue the humans, and will then provide some rehab for these people who have often spent their whole lives living in the camps and are not used to real life.

Things take a turn for the worse for these soldiers when one of their number is captured by the Zombies and put to work in their farm, and the remaining soldiers have to track this farm down and rescue their companion.

All this sounds rather exciting on paper, but unfortunately it’s not put together with nearly enough panache to live up to its concept.  Considering the films cast numbers around about a dozen it’s quite hard to give the impression of such a huge scale camp as we’re supposed to believe, and when the soldiers stumble upon a ‘city’ it seems to consist of one single  barn.  Not much of a city really.  Also, I have never before appreciated just how important a soundtrack is in a film, and sadly Zombie Wars is rather lacking in this department.  Some decent music as the soldiers break into the zombie camp would really add to the tension, but here the music is so quiet and subtle it give off the impression of a school play and not a fully fledged movie.  It’s a pity really because there are some good ideas here, some excellent gore and the acting is pretty decent throughout.  Sadly the problems stem from the budget, and the bigger the ideas the more they suffer when not given the cash they deserve.

Gore Score C+
Norks Score F
Originality Score B+
Overall Score C-

Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

I’ve been getting a tad behind on these reviews of late again.  Perhaps a little of the blame can be given to this monstrosity of a film, possibly one of the worst zombie flicks i’ve seen for months.  I watched it over a week ago and I guess I’m just trying to forget about it, but by avoiding the writeup my brain is being plagued with memories of it. I hope that by finally getting the review sorted it will perform some sort of exorcism and I’ll never need to think of it again.

ZZZ, (an apt abbreviation if ever there were one) will certainly be compared to Zombie Strippers, although the difference here is that the strippers are the heroines and not the undead.  Opening at a strip club, a new dancer is trying her hand at the noble profession of ‘whopping her norks out to the general public for a fee’, but not doing very well.  So far, so very Zombie Strippers.  However for some reason which I cannot remember (hey, it was over a week ago I saw this) a zombie virus has been let loose from a local scientists lab and infects a load of people.  So, zombies attacking the club means that everyone within has to band together to protect each other.  Oh yeah, that’s an original idea.  Lock a load of people in a building for an hour or so while zombies roam around outside.  I’ve not seen that before.

Anyway, some of the people manage to escape this zombie plague and venture to the scientists lab to find a cure, which luckily the scientist has developed.  However, once the cure has been delivered to each zombie it causes them to explode in godawful CGI.  Really, it is so terrible the producers would have been better off going with Batman style ‘KABLAMMO!’ exclamation bubbles, which would have been equally as invasive but infinitely funnier.

Yeah, there is some gore here, but honestly it’s best to just watch the trailer on YouTube.  The scene with the chainsaw in the face is the highlight of the film and it’s present in the trailer, which also sensibly avoids showing off the CGI.

Not content with using rubbish CGI, terrible acting, a boring plot and an awful script the filmmakers even saw fit to rip off a classic Snakes on a Plane moment.  It’s an odd addition to the film just as the film itself is an odd addition to the genre.  Heck, even the nudity isn’t anything to write home about, which is odd considering half the characters are strippers.

As one of the actors mutters late on in the film “Lets get this sh*t over with.”  Too right.

Gore Score C
Norks Score C
Originality Score D
Overall Score D-