Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)
Zombies and Prisons have produced some reasonably decent films in the past. Well, I say ‘reasonably decent’ meaning that ‘Zombie Death House’ and ‘Dead Men Walking’ were not as poor as I had expected. Surely these films could only have been improved by changing the location to a women’s prison? And how about chucking in a famous horror actor as lead zombie?
Well, the women’s prison angle works just as expected, meaning lots of pointless shower scenes and chicks with obvious stick-on tattoos fighting and moaning. It’s a pity that none of them are particularly easy on the eye, particularly the butch muscly woman ‘Mondo’ who seems to have modelled herself on Dennis Rodman. Mmm, Attractive! Still, none of them are particularly modest and have no qualms wandering into camera shot with their norks on display, and so the first hour of the film is a pretty good laugh, although light on the actual horror.
After about an hour we get introduced to the star zombie – Tony Todd of Candyman fame – who is resurrected when one of the prisoners accidently gives birth over the spot where he was buried (although he had died due to spectacular exploding, so I’m not quite sure what was left of him to bury. Anyway…) Candyman brings back a bunch of his zombie mates and they start to terrorise the prisoners while he hunts down the female ‘Solitare’ for a reason that doesn’t make any sense. He killed her Mum apparently, and that forged a connection of some sort with the child. OK then.
One of the great things about undead movies is that the Zombies themselves are never really the stars, they just represent a generic ‘bad’ that the heroes have to overcome. Introducing a main zombie personality takes the focus away from the struggle against the zombies and focuses it onto a specific character, meaning that it might as well be a standard serial killer type movie, which is all this really is albeit with a dumb supernatural twist. Chuck in some terrible acting, cheap fight choreography and a nonsense (even by zombie movie standard) plot and what do you get? Well aside from the copious full frontal nudity, not very much.
Gore Score D
Norks Score A-
Originality Score D
Overall Score D
