Redneck Zombies

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

So, from one end of the Zombie Film spectrum to the other. Redneck Zombies, possibly the trashiest zombie film i’ve seen in a long long time, and about as far removed from the Living Dead at Manchester Morgue as My Chemical Romance is from Quality Music.

To even remotely enjoy this movie you have to appreciate the glory that is Troma : independent cinema of the highest quality. Weighing in at about 0\10 on the acting, script, directing and intellect scale, Redneck Zombies isn’t even the slightest bit bothered about aiming for the mainstream, and all the better for it.

A family of Rednecks come into possession of a barrel of toxic waste (ie - they rob an army guy transporting it loosely on the back of his jeep) and proceed to use the contents to brew up their special brand of Moonshine, which they then send their gender-curious sibling off with to sell to the whole population of the surrounding village. Strangely unperturbed at drinking neon-green liquid out of jamjars that was brewed by inbreds, the locals quaff down the liquid and naturally become radioactive zombies. Unknowing of this turn of events the remaining redneck family decide to sample the brew themselves, which leads to a 10 minute zombie transformation scene, more akin to a cheap neon 80’s music video than a quality zombification (see 28 weeks later for possibly the greatest scene of this ilk).

While everyone is indulging in zombie-moonshine a collection of out-of-towners have descended on the area to go camping, unfortunately pitching up about 100 yards from the zombie chemical still. A couple of the ladies of this group get picked off buy the redneck family in fantastic Troma style (ludicrously over-the-top gore flying all over the place, rubber eyeballs sucked out of plastic skulls, blood and guts smeared all over the floor. You know the drill), leaving the remainder or the group to go hunting for them, discovering and attacking any zombie along the way, some successfully, some less so.

There are some amazing scenes here - the delivery boy discovering a gagged girl in a house of rednecks who is forced to watch a documentary on baby chickens being slaughtered - a couple of inbreds sat watching a close-up pair of norks on TV covered in cream and cherries while they chat in Beavis and Butthead style ‘I like knockers’, ‘yeah, I like knockers too’ - a local woman feeding the green zombie alcohol to her 3 year old son who for some reason is sat in a washing machine. Not to forget the ace Autopsy scene where one of the townies attempts an autopsy on a zombie while high on LSD, and proceeds to hallucinate that each of the organs are actually various props such as human shoes or plastic dolls, before realising what he’s doing and promptly vomiting into the corpses open chest.

Yes it’s trash, yes it’s god-awful, but it’s distributed by Troma so you should know what you’re letting yourself in for. Hell, it’s better than Buttcrack at least.

Gore Score B
Norks Score D
Originality Score C
Overall Score C

The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue

I recently decided that it is about time I initiate the other-half into the wonders of zombie cinema, and have been debating the best film to use for such a momentous occasion. I wanted to avoid any of the big Romero films as I thought it best to show that there are plenty of enjoyable gems that she probably hasn’t heard of. Now, the choice of movie could have taken 2 paths : a trashy zombie exploitation-fest featuring plenty of gratuitous gore and nudity - low on plot and acting skills but high on enjoyment, or a more serious film with tension, scares, classic zombies and a bit of the old ’social commentary’. I decided to go with the serious film as I don’t really want to confirm all the suspicions she has of me just yet, and I wanted to show that there are genuine good films in my collection. Decision made, I settled on The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue.

Set in England somewhere in grim ‘Up North’, TLDATMM starts off strangely, with an unexplained naked woman running across a busy city road in slow motion and a hippy dude on a motorbike riding out into the hills to sell some demon-like statues. This chap pulls into a petrol station to fill up, but sadly some dippy woman reverses her car over his bike and he is forced to hop in with her and take over the driving duties, leaving his bike behind. It is a strange setup to get these 2 random people together, but not as strange as his accent - sounding like a Northern version of Michael Caine. Indeed, all the dubbed over accents in this movie are awesome. Almost every British dialect is present and correct in glorious over-the-top fashion.

This accidental couple arrive at a farmhouse and are immediately embroiled in a murder inquiry - this murder being the first zombie attack of the film. Obviously the police don’t believe that this was a dead guy returned to life to murder random strangers, so the blame is dumped on this couple, and they take it upon themselves to find out if it really is the dead coming back to life.

Pah! Of course it’s Zombies! Some dribbly tramp zombie is bringing the dead back to life by smearing blood on them, and they all then roam about making groaning noises and chomping on human guts, all the while the hippy and the ginger bird try to avoid them. Sadly, everywhere they go the Zombies seem to pop up (even if there are only half a dozen of them), but naturally the police never set eyes on the undead so continue to chase after the couple until the final showdown at the hospital where much slaughter, burning and breast munching occurs.

It’s a bit of a slow burner to start with, but when it gets going it’s classic stuff. Atmospheric and creepy with some great music and some fantastic set pieces - particularly the graveyard siege - it’s fully deserving of it’s classic status.

It’s just a pity my old lady didn’t enjoy it. “..but they’re so slow, just run past them!” Honestly, it’s going to take some convincing to get her on board.

Gore Score C
Norks Score C
Originality Score C
Overall Score B+

Shaun Of The Dead

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

Some of the recent films I’ve watched for this blog have flirted briefly with the mainstream (Undead, Return of the Living Dead 4-5, and REC) but recently I felt it time I stop beating around the bush and just go with it. What better way to scratch the mainstream itch than with Shaun of the Dead - possibly the greatest British zombie film of all time. It’s not too embarrassed to call itself a Zombie film (*cough* 28 days later *cough*), and I don’t think the Living Dead at Manchester Morgue counts as a UK film, even with all those great regional accents!

Here we have a film that knows how to play the homage card. Subtle references along with blatant imitation all wrapped up in an original, funny and great little British movie. And oh how British it is. Smashing people around the head with cricket bats, listening to Queen records, having cups of tea and sandwiches around at your Mums, and of course… The Pub.

All us Brits know that the solution to life’s problems can be found down at the pub, so when a Zombie outbreak occurs for Shaun and Ed they decide that easily the best thing to do is to go to the boozer. Just as when Shaun needs to think of a place to take his girlfriend he suggests the pub. And also when he gets dumped by his missus the best thing to do is to… go to the pub. And why not? There is beer there, snacks, games, music and TV so why wouldn’t you want to spend your time there?

Featuring a great British cast from some of the greatest TV comedies of recent years (Black Books, Spaced, The Office, League of Gentlemen…) they are all obviously just mates, but great at what they do here too - mostly playing for laughs, but going for the serious moments when needs must.

Anyway, I should discuss this film for it’s Zombie credentials I suppose. That’s what i’m here for after all. The zombies here are PROPER zombies, all shuffles and groans, not running and vomiting or anything these new-fangled undead seem to do these days - just straight up flesh eaters. Slow and stupid enough to easily escape from, but it’s the quantity that’s the problem, as it should be. Loads and loads of the pesky critters litter the streets, and get smashed, run over, gored and shot at. Plus they eat and dismember plenty of humans too, which is to be expected.

It’s a great little number, and one of the best Zombie films of the past 10 years. And amazingly it’s possibly the only Romantic Comedy that I can actually enjoy without wanting to tear my own limbs off.

Gore Score C+
Norks Score F
Originality Score B
Overall Score A

Dead Men Walking

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

“I do not enjoy shooting staff members!”

Having spent recent weeks enjoying the delights of both box-office failures and the SOV straight-to-dvd zombie fare I though it about time I dived back into the mainstream and watch a quality zombie film that everyone can enjoy. However, for reasons I’m not entirely sure of I abandoned that plan in favour of yet more no-budget gore-o-rama.

Dead Men Walking is a particularly gruesome little number taking place solely within a prison. A prisoner obviously infected with some sort of horrible disease (in this case, a biological zombie toxin) is checked into the joint, and promptly sent off to the medic to be checked over. After numerous highly bloody vomiting sessions he is locked away in solitary to slowly and disgustingly turn from infected human to rabid zombie. As this involves rather a lot of noise the guards pop over to check on him, although this doesn’t go too well for them. Thus begins the mass infection of the whole prison, leaving the remaining guards, warden and a female CDC officer to fight for survival while trying to stop any infected from leaving the building for fear of infecting the whole world.

Yes, it’s a slightly different take on the standard Zombie Siege as the zombies are already within the building to start with, but that is about as original as it gets here. It’s the gore that this movie goes for, it just does what it does rather effectively. (albeit without being particularly bothered about adding anything new). Infected people spew forth gallons of disgusting blood, Guts are ripped out and devoured aplenty, gunshots leave bloody trails up the walls, arms are ripped off and eaten… you know, just the standard zombie gore. By no means is this boring though, at least not for the first 45 minutes, however once everyone who could get infected has, and the survivors have run around the prison for a while it gets pretty tired. There isn’t really anywhere else for this film to go. Step 1 - begin the infection, step 2 - chase and slaughter everyone, step 3…. um, well almost everyone is dead, so lets end the film in standard zombie-film manner.

It certainly is gory, reasonably well acted and directed and the script is pretty good considering the cliche nature of the film, but everything just kind of dries up towards the end. (Except for the blood, naturally. That just keeps on flowing).

Gore Score B
Norks Score C
Originality Score D
Overall Score C

Undead

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

I remember when starting this blog one of the first comments I received suggested I review Undead. Well, this blog has been up for almost a year now, so I guess I should crack on with that request.

In simple terms, Undead is a Zombie, Meteor, Alien gore-fest. It features a Triple-Barrel-shotgun toting Clint Eastwood (or Evil Dead’s Ash, depending on how you look at him) who is briefly abducted after becoming involved in a Zombie-Fish fist-fight. In order to save the world from future invasions when he is returned to his boat by the spaceship he stocks up on guns, builds a massive underground bomb shelter in his cellar and waits for the next alien attack.

Obviously a new invasion does occur, this time in the form of a huge Zombie outbreak in his little town. A few lucky survivors converge on his place by accident and become involved in the plan rid the town of Zombies. These people include the standard ‘Arguing Pregnant Couple’, a pretty Brunette, a daft policewoman starting her first day and a policeman who is possibly the sweariest human-being that has ever existed.

After hiding out in the cellar for a few hours the pregnant woman predictably goes into labour, so the crew have to vacate the premises in order to get to a hospital (despite it probably being infected with zombies). Obviously, the house is full of Zombies that need dispatching using highly gory methods (cue spilling guts, knives to the head, shotguns to the face, and flying limbs). Unfortunately, when they do manage to escape they find everyone has turned into Zombies, and discover a mysterious spiky Berlin-Wall encompassing the entire town, meaning there is no escape.

It’s a pretty weird film, and a great mix of Sci-fi, Horror and Comedy. The characters are reasonably cool if slightly cliché (as is always the case with Zombie films I guess), and the direction and plot are excellent. However, the standout aspect of this film is the gore! A Zombie gets his torso separated from his legs leaving a pair of trousers with spine cord still attached wandering around, heads are smashed through and brains eaten, (I think this is the 1st film since Return of the Living Dead where the Zombies actually call for ‘Braaaaaiiinns!’), not to mention the numerous limbs chopped off by circular saw, shotgun or anything that comes to hand.

Zombie fans love good gore, and when it comes from an original, well directed film it’s all the better.

Gore Score A
Norks Score F
Originality Score B
Overall Score B+

The Quick and the Undead

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

 

I recently had a conversation about how on earth Zombie movies can still have even a modicum of originality, considering they have been around for over 70 years and almost exclusively revolve around dead people coming back to life and eating people.
“Well” said I, “recently we’ve had Fido”… and then that was as far as that conversation went.  However, had I been thinking properly instead of just drinking wine I could have remembered I had this little number on my shelf awaiting its first viewing, which certainly had the potential to be rather interesting.  A Zombie Western.

Set around 80 years in the future after a virus has turned most of the world into shuffling Zombies, The Quick and the Undead follows a bounty hunter who makes a living hunting down and killing off any Zombie throughout the country, and collecting their fingers as evidence to claim his reward.  However, he’s soon double crossed by his old gang and left for dead, his haul of fingers stolen.  Luckily being invincible he comes back from the dead and heads off after his old gang to reclaim his bounty.

However that is basically all that happens, one dude wandering around until he catches up with his old gang.  That’s it.  Sure there are some Zombies along the way that need dispatching \ running away from, and there is a slightly interesting parallel storyline involving the leader of the nasty gang trying to increase his haul by infecting healthy villages with the Zombie virus so he can kill them off and claim a larger bounty, but none of these ideas go anywhere.  Heck, even the idea of an indestructible hero is barely covered and is rarely used at-all in the movie.

The gore is reasonable, the direction is actually rather good, and the cinematography and overall look of the film is top drawer.  There is a great concept there but sadly the whole thing is spectacularly dull-ass boring.  It’s neither scary, funny, or tense.  The characters are uninteresting and really badly acted and to cap it all off there’s not a single nork shot in sight!  Sheesh, what a waste of time.

Gore Score C
Nork Score F
Originality Score B
Overall Score D

Wild Zero

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)

It seems like gig season is returning to England, as in the last few weeks I’ve been to a music festival for a weekend and followed that up with a gig in London.  I have also picked up tickets for several forthcoming concerts in the next few weeks.  All this music could interfere with my Zombie watching, but luckily I have found a way to seamlessly merge the two.  This comes in the form of Drumwolf, Basswolf and Guitarwolf in the bizarre Japanese film Wild Zero.

Man alive, this film has everything.  Exploding Heads, Lazer eye Beams, UFOs, Zombies, Electic Shock Plectrums, Men in Hotpants, Mute Transexuals, Undead Romance and of course Guitar Wolf: The self proclaimed coolest band in the world, and any band who self proclaims such a thing must be pretty rock and roll.

The film follows ‘Ace’, a huge Guitar Wolf fan as he treks across the country following the band.  He accidentally saves them from being fired (literally) by their manager and as a result the band make him a blood brother and give him a special whistle which will call the band to him should he get into trouble.  Naturally trouble does follow, in the form of a UFO invasion and the dead returning to life for some reason.  Possibly these are just a coincidence as nothing is ever really explained here.  So these Zombies go on the rampage, Guitar Wolf are summoned and they all use the power of Rock and Roll to destroy all the zombies and save the planet.  Just your average story really.  Along the way we meet a transsexual who doesn’t speak or really do anything, (although Ace still falls for her), an arms dealer woman who showers with a gun (which turned out to be quite handy for when zombies invade her bathroom), a gig promoter in the tightest little hot pants I’ve ever seen a grown man wear, and a guitar that doubles as a samurai sword sheath, ideal for chopping up passing spaceships.

The Zombies themselves are plentiful, and are either made on the cheap, or are direct homages to the bluegreen zombies from the original Dawn of the Dead.  Most of these creatures are destroyed by a simple bullet to the face, causing their entire head to explode.  This happens countless times, but is always comical and welcome.

It is basically just an extended music video for the awesome band Guitar Wolf, and their music and live performances were so superb here that after watching the movie I immediately went and bought one of their albums.  A delirious mess of nonsense, volume, distortion and some Rock and Roll thrown in for good measure, just like the film.

Utterly ludicrous as only Japanese Zombie films can be, and all the more enjoyable for it.  Bonus points should be awarded for the Drinking Game built into the DVD - every time someone combs their hair, says “Rock and Roll” or a head explodes a drink icon appears on screen as a cue for you to take a swig.  Man, if I’d have been playing along I’d have been blootered in the first 10 minutes!

Gore Score B
Norks Score C
Originality C
Overall Score B+

Return of the Living Dead 5 : Rave to the Grave

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/ )

I’ve been a bit lax with the film viewing in my pad of late, well, regarding Zombie films at least. To get myself back into the swing of regular movie watching I figured I’d just get out of the way a film I was really not looking forward to watching. I had the place to myself so I didn’t need to feel guilty about inflicting some utter trash onto my long suffering flatmate and figured that this was the perfect time to give this film a go.

I sat down with absolutely no expectations for this film beyond ‘well, there is no way it can be worse that ROTLD4. Can it?’ I absolutely hated ROTLD4 : Necropolis, and may well have to position it on the podium of worst zombie films ever made. However, I must admit that having sat through this latest instalment I am totally confused as to my opinion on it. The gore is rather awesome, there are loads of quality nork shots all throughout the film and the storyline is genuinely original. Considering these are the criteria I judge zombie films by it should be the greatest one I own.

But it isn’t.

I remember the (loosely) interpreted Gestalt theory “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts”, and whatever the opposite is, that is what Rave to the Grave suffers from. It occurs to me that possibly what is missing is a good sense of direction, acting, character development or something else along these lines. This is shocking, as these are aspects of Zombie films that I am usually not interested in whatsoever. I just hope that it’s not because I am growing up and am looking for more artistic integrity in the films I watch. *Urgh*. Now that just isn’t worth thinking about! (Also, citing Gestalt theory in my review may also be an indication of my growing up, but hey at least I interpreted it incorrectly so I’m not that smart just yet.)

The film involves some kids from Necropolis who seem to have totally forgotten about their previous Zombie adventures (Well I’m not surprised. I’m trying to forget the last film myself!). They discover a canister of Trioxin 5 - which I am not sure if it is a liquid or a gas as it seems to change depending on who is using the contents - and by ‘thorough scientific investigation’ discover it to have hallucinogenic properties. (By ’scientific investigation’ I mean one of the kids tastes some of it for a laugh). Having discovered this they then batch a load of it up into pills in their chemistry lab and start selling it to the students… Who then become Zombies just in time for the big rave that evening.

There are some ‘comedy’ Interpol officers, some vegan students (can you guess what happens to them?) and oh yes, Tarman is in this one. However he is used so appallingly that it is best to fast forward past his scenes to avoid tarnishing the memory of the once great Zombie. (He goes hitch-hiking in this one, for Christ sakes!)

Yes, it’s a nice idea for a film. Yes, the gore here is much better and more varied than in Necropolis (eye gouging, decapitations, axe wounds…) and yes, there are plenty of young ladies bearing cracking norks, but overall it’s just not right. The stench of a corporate, target-audience led film is less than before, but is still overwhelming and the defiling of the Tarman character is just appalling. Still, it kept me interested until the end I suppose, so it’s not all bad.

Gore B
Norks B
Originality B
Overall Score D

Nightmare City

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/ )

AKA City of the Walking Dead

Oh yes, Nightmare City! A brilliant example of what makes 70’s Italian Zombie films so appealing. A winning combination of gore, makeup, dubbing, direction, story and script all from the very bottom drawer of the movie technique cupboard, with a shed-load of gratuitous nork shots thrown in for good measure. To really up the ante, add on a truly extraordinary cop-out ending that just beggars belief to produce a grindhouse trashfest of the highest order.

So what is this film all about? Well, a plane load of radioactive scab-faced zombies land at an airport and proceed to attack and kill all humans in the vicinity, utilising a collection of knives, axes, guns and anything else they can lay their hands on to take out the humans and feast on their blood. A journalist who is banned from reporting this affair spends the film looking for his wife, and they then proceed to give the zombies a right good ‘running away from’. Oh yes, and the inept military try to keep the whole incident under-wraps even though the whole city is overrun by these creatures (who are smart enough to disable power stations, apparently).

Some utter genius set pieces along the way include the TV studio massacre where the dancing girls of some music show are chased by the zombies until their norks fall out of their leotards, as well as the amazingly daft scene involving the army generals daughter who, despite her phone being strangely cut off after numerous calls from her father, coupled with the fact that an army car comes to collect her as a matter of urgency suggests to her husband that “it’s probably nothing, lets not go with the soldiers but instead go on a camping trip”. With obvious results for all concerned.

A gloriously trashy exploitation classic, and one I never tire of watching. The ending alone is worth the price of the film simply for the reaction it provokes from the people who watch it with you.

Gore Score C
Norks Score B+
Originality Score B-
Overall Score B

[REC]

(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/ )

Woah. It’s taken me a good few days to get around to writing up my report on this crazy movie, partly due to my own laziness but also because it was so damn scary it’s taken this long to get it out of my system.

REC is a little Spanish zombie movie set almost completely inside an apartment building stairway. A cute little Spanish television presenter and cameraman turn up at around midnight following some Firemen who have been called in. They are investigating some mental old woman who has been growling and stomping around in her apartment freaking out the neighbours. Old people are pretty scary at the best of times, but unfortunately this old woman isn’t just your regular sort of crazy lady, but a chubby rabies infested zombie with a fair amount of pace on her, as we find out when she starts chasing and chewing up the helpful firemen.

Word of this rabid lady must have got out pretty sharpish because when the firemen and other building residents attempt to run out of the building they find they’ve been sealed in by radiation suit clad government agents and have no way of leaving the building.

Surviving in a rather small apartment building (which at my count consists of only about half a dozen residences) with nowhere to run to, while having to avoid the ever increasing number of bitten-turned-zombie residents means that this film just doesn’t let up for a second. Nobody is safe for more than a few minutes as they move from room to room trying to somehow find a way out of this locked down building, each time failing and having to return to where they came from, fighting their way past the zombies they have just managed to avoid. And then gets really scary.

Sure, fumbling with the door keys while the bad guys race up behind you is a pretty cliche horror film staple, but in this situation I actually had my hand in my mouth wishing the survivors could get a break. The same can be said for all the other cliches here, of which there are many. Plus there is no nudity at all which is usually a big fail in my book but I’ll forgive that just this once, and after all the gore is great.

OK, the ending is pretty daft and annoying but it had to end somehow, and it was so creepy right up until the last few seconds that it doesn’t really matter. This is without doubt the scariest film I’ve seen in a long time, which is good because I was beginning to think I was getting desensitised to that sort of thing. It gives me faith that there are still decent scares out there. I just hope the remake ‘Quarantine‘ isn’t the shot-for-shot revamp the trailer seems to suggest. How retarded is that?

Gore Score B
Norks Score F
Originality C
Overall Score A