(Also posted at http://www.revenantmagazine.com/)
Like most people I have often wondered what happens when a Zombie needs to use the lav, and finally I have found a film than answers this puzzler. Apparently they just crap on the grass and leave it there. Honestly, they don’t even have the decency to clean up after themselves! No wonder they’ve got a bad reputation.
Whether or not zombies poo is not the only question that gets answered here.
- What do you do if your wife loves to sleep with loads of other men while you watch, but the supply of healthy humans are dwindling due to the overwhelming population of zombies? Why, you invite a bunch of mostly healthy army dudes into you house and rotate them in the bedroom, obviously.
- What happens if your sister-in-law has a Kuato-like siamese twin growing out of her stomach? Well, you let one of the army guys romance ‘both’ of them.
- And finally, what do you do if all the sex your wife is getting with army guys is getting you down? Simple – you keep a naked female zombie tied up in your shed and you try out some necrophilia.
Yes, this is not your standard ‘hiding out in a house while zombies attack’ siege film. There is a lot more going on here than just humans killing the undead. It starts off badly, with some of the worst acting I have ever seen in a SOV zombie film (and that’s saying something), along with the standard fanboy idea of referencing classic zombie films to name your characters. (However bonus points for not having a Romero or Savini here, but going with ‘Matool’ instead.) However, things soon pick up when Matool gets into a fight with a Zombie on a car bonnet and dispatches him by hammering a 12″ nail into his forehead. As a technique it’s pretty unusual, yet highly effective. Sadly for Matool he gets kidnapped and taken back to a farmhouse where he is expected to engage in some kinky bedroom antics with the kidnappers wife, while being spanked with a ruler by the wife’s retarded sister. Unusual.
Soon some army boys turn up, having been attacked by some hyperzombies (stronger and faster than usual zombies), and they all move into this house and take turns with the wife! Naturally, things start going bad and jealous infighting begins, coupled with the zombies attacking anyone who sets foot outside the house. (Well, it wouldn’t be a zombie film without some gut munching). The survivors have to decide whether to make a run for it, or whether to try to remain at the house for all the perks found therein.
It’s an unusual movie for sure, with some pretty original ideas. The gore – when it happens – is also not too bad for a film obviously shot on the ultra cheap. However, the (surprisingly) minimal nudity and godawful acting from the majority of the characters does spoil things somewhat. Still, I love that the film tries something different, all while not taking itself too seriously. This is a good thing.
Gore Score C
Norks Score C
Originality Score B-
Overall Score C+