Zombie Movie Review: The Vanguard

Vector Image of the movie Vanguard

Wow, this is a proper exciting idea. Imagine a film with hundreds, nay thousands, of the undead roaming around a near deserted planet hunting for human flesh. Whatever buildings remain are crumbling, and wild animals roam free. there are huge explosions as the left-over power stations give way, and in among all this apocalypse a lone survivor hides out in a massive self-contained bunker with all the remaining technology around him helping him to keep alive and outwit the living dead.

Now take that lone guy out of this exciting scenario and dump him in an empty forest that suffers from an overabundance of lens filters. Replace his awesome bunker with a wooden barbed-wire fence tied to some trees. Substitute the cool explosions with some leaves. Next take the thousands of undead zombies and exchange them for a couple of blokes in white contact lenses and black pen scribbles on their faces. Finally, remove all the excitement and replace with a huge dollop of mind-numbing boredom. Yup, that’s The Vanguard.

What could have been an interesting take on the ‘Last Man on Earth’ scenario is diluted down to simply being 1 guy running around in the woods talking to himself, with the occasional bit of camera-trickery gore. (You will see the guy throw a wooden spear, then it will cut to a ‘zombie’ with this spear in him, or you’ll see him hitting an out-of-shot ‘zombie’ and some blood will spray into shot).

After about 20 minutes of this excitement with pretty-much no plot at all the fun doubles, when a second dude turns up and starts hanging out with the first guy! Ooh! Still nothing much happens apart from these 2 blokes running around in the woods.

Finally, the thrill factor is turned to maximum-overdrive levels when not 1, but 2 more people turn up! That’s 4 people running around in the woods!

There is a little bit of in-fighting (but not enough to get too excited about), then more of the ‘Last Man on Earth’ plot gets ripped off, and then the film ends.

My god, was this dull. There may have been a bit more going on towards the end than I remember, but I was so numb after the first hour that I pretty much lost interest all-together. I have sat through boring zombie films before, but nothing like this.

Gore Score D
Norks Score F
Originality Score D
Overall Score D-


2 responses to “Zombie Movie Review: The Vanguard

  1. You have a scoring system for norks which pretty much says all I need to know about you as a ‘film critic’.

    • Thanks for your ‘comment’. I can’t think of any movie that couldn’t be improved by adding in some norks. Although this movie would’ve needed a ton of them in order to make me want to watch it again.

Seen this zombie movie? What did you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s